Women usually give chocolate as a present on Valentine's Day, but baking a cake is also very popular. Hence the aisle full of bakery products.

Instead of baking cakes the lady may prefer this saucy alternative: "Onna no Kuchizuke" ("Lady's kiss"). This is actually a pun on "Ochazuke", which is what's in the packet (sort of a mix of green tea, rice and seaweed). Down the side it says "Nori ga ii!", which means "Seaweed is good!", but can also mean (roughly translated) "The atmosphere is good!". The Japanese just love their puns don't they?

Here's an even saucier one, translated (roughly) as "Lady rice". "Onago" (another word for woman) is a pun on "Anago" (eel, which is actually what's in the rice). The puns just keep-a-coming.

This one's a bit less subtle: it's a pun on "Bon Kare" ("Kare" meaning curry). It actually says "Boin Kare" - in other words, "Big Boob Curry" ("Boin" as in boing boing...).

No, I know this taste! Don't tell me, don't tell me, it's on the tip of my tongue... I swear I know it.... Hah! Got it! It's the taste of TRADITION! Aaaaaah, it warms the cockles of me heart just thinking about it.

It's official: there is no end to the Hello Kitty merchandise marathon.

Yet another Kit Kat variation, just in time for Valentine's Day. Who on earth keeps coming up with these? Hmmm, you know I've just realised that the past three posts I've made have all had a chocolate theme - there'll be something different next week I promise!

Dangerous Chocolate

I had some rather dangerous chocolate at the weekend.

 

As you may or may not know, I'm rather partial to rum and raisin flavoured chocolate, "Old Jamaica" by Cadbury being one of my favourite indulgences. So when I was out snowboarding on Sunday I absolutely leapt at the chance to try "Rummy", a rum and raisin flavoured chocolate being sold in the shop at Izumi ski resort.

 

First impressions were favourable - lots of whole raisins and reasonable quality chocolate, though obviously paling in comparison with Cadbury's market-leading behemoth. But boy was it strong - I've never had chocolate that made my breath smell like a wino before.

 

I had another look at the packet - apparently it contains a whopping 3.7% alcohol, which somewhat explained my pirate breath. But wait, what's that written on the front there in Japanese?

 

"Contains alcohol, so please refrain from driving."

 

Now that's what I call chocolate.

 

It did put the fear up me a bit though. Japan's drink driving laws are notoriously strict (with the legal limit for alcohol being zero), so it would be just my luck to be deported for drink driving after eating a chocolate bar.

 

When I think about it, "drink driving after eating chocolate" could be in the running for "lamest crime it's possible to commit in Japan", maybe just after "accidentally burning down your own house" (which comes under the law against "negligence with fire").

 

Do we have any more candidates for the list?

Rummy by Lotte: Do Not Eat Before Operating Heavy Machinery. On the left you can see a white box with a warning against driving written in Japanese.

More Randomness From Japan

I see crazy random things in Japan practically every day, so I reckon it's about time for another little celebration of them. From Kit Kats to Engrish, here's a quick round up of the crazy things I've seen over the past couple of months.

 

Special mention has to go to the water bottles (photo below). I've spotted them lined up outside some Japanese houses a few times before, but I've only just got round to taking a picture of them. According to the Seldomly Asked Questions (SAQ) section of Quirky Japan, residents place them outside their houses in order to scare away cats and other animals. Some accounts say that the animals will be scared of their reflection if they look into the bottles, and others say that the sunlight refracting through the bottles scares them away. There's some anecdotal evidence to support the theory here, but it sounds a bit mad to me (you can hear what the Englishman in Osaka has to say on the subject  here).

 

Only in Japan, eh?

We've had passion fruit flavoured Kit Kats, apple flavoured Kit Kats, green tea flavoured Kit Kats and even cheesecake flavoured Kit Kats. Now, finally, inevitably, we have "cherry blossom-style taste" Kit Kats. Mmmm... cherry blossom. Delicious.

I took this shot in Kyoto, but I've seen the same thing in Kanazawa too.

WTF?

In Britain MI5 has famously been known to recruit its spies through the public school network, handpicking candidates from the best schools and universities in the country. Conversely, Japan prefers to rely on fashion magazines to recruit its spy network, resulting in an army of high-heeled, Gucci-attired young women which is the envy of secret service organisations the world over.

"Why Lady Borden, this ice cream is simply exquisite!!!" "Please Major, call me Catherine. And do try the fondant fancies, they're quite delightful."

Ah yes, a yakisoba restaurant called Mr. Young Men. Finally we know what happened to Mr. Children when he grew up and left the music business (sorry, you have to be living in Japan to get that one).

Brussels sprouts! It turns out you actually can buy them in Japan if you look hard enough, although locally they're known as "me kyabetsu" ("me cabbage" - "me" pronounced as "may", and meaning "sprout"). Of course, they're a tad expenive - 8 sprouts for the princely sum of 198 yen (about a quid). Ouch.

Here's a poster from a community notice board in Kyoto, warning local grandmothers against buying dodgy smoke alarms from men with grinning demons growing out of their backs.

Lastly, here's one of the most interesting vending machines I've seen in a long time - this one dispenses vacuum cleaner bags, amongst other things. Because you never know when you're going to need a vacuum cleaner bag in a hurry.

Just rubbish, frankly.