Back to the Motherland

First of all, sorry for not updating the blog sooner - the past couple of weeks have been pretty crazy. If you're wondering what happened to me, I spent my last few days in Japan in Hiroshima, then got a nightmarish flight home from Osaka.

Word of advice: Never, EVER, fly with Air China. No matter how cheap it is.

Flick and I had a bad experience with Air China before on our trip to Thailand (the plane was delayed after smoke began pouring out of one of the engines before take off) but we decided to give them one more chance for our flight home. This was a big mistake.

The first leg of the journey went relatively smoothly. We landed safely in Beijing after a short flight from Osaka, but very quickly it all began to go a bit pear-shaped. The queue for transferring flights was insane - after queuing to obtain our boarding passes from the unforgiveably rude staff at the Air China desk, we had to queue again to go through immigration. Bear in mind that we weren't actually leaving the airport, yet we still had to have our passports checked, have our boarding passes stamped several times, fill in two entry and exit forms and then go through a security check. Despite having 2 hours between our flights, we only just managed to make our connecting flight on time because of all the bureaucracy we had to go through.

That was only the beginning though. Our 747 bound for London eventually took off after boarding delays, but about an hour into the flight a message came over the loudspeakers in Chinese which caused several passengers to wail in dismay. A strangled, almost inaudible English translation followed, which we managed to decipher as: "The plane has a mechanical fault and will be heading back to Beijing". Not exactly the kind of thing you want to hear whilst flying over Siberia.

After the plane turned around, Flick spotted something coming out of the wing. At first we thought it was smoke, but then I realised it was fuel - the pilot was dumping fuel. Oh. My. God. Isn't that the kind of thing you do before performing an emergency landing or something? Images of us perishing in a giant plane-shaped fireball flashed through my mind for the next hour, as Flick and I continually exchanged nervous glances. Needless to say, I was just a little tense as the plane came in to land...

Luckily we touched down safely, and we never did find out what the mysterious "mechanical fault" was (although I think I'd actually rather not know). However, the next 12 hours became equally hellish as we were churned through the machinations of Beijing airport, starting with a shocking evening meal served in the dismal confines of Gate 1. It was awful - everyone was served a can of Coke which went out of date a month previously, and Flick discovered a maggot in her vegetables after eating half of them, yet when we complained the catering staff just laughed at us. Eventually, Flick did receive some compensation for the meal after finding a manager to complain to, but the damage had already been done.

After that the airline informed us that we would have to spend the night in a hotel about 40 minutes away from the airport, so everyone wearily piled onto buses for the next stage of our hellish trip (after passing through immigration AGAIN). Upon checking in at the hotel we discovered our flight was scheduled to leave at 5am the next morning, meaning we had a wake-up call at 2am, and a grand total of about 3 hours sleep. Joy. To cut a long story short, we eventually made it home (after one more trip through Chinese immigration) approximately 2 days after we left Japan. Never. Again.

Interestingly, although on an unrelated note, I found out about a year ago that the Chinese government actually blocks my blog, so I'd like to say a big hello to any Chinese censors who may happen to be monitoring this post right now. Hello Chinese censors!

Anyway, now that I've finished ranting about Air China, here's a pictorial guide to what happened during my last week in Japan, starting off with the final, final, final sayonara party in Bear's Bar...

The final, raucous night in Bear's Bar. I miss that place already...

The legendary Master-san - manager of Bear's Bar. Ah, the times we've had within the walls of that legendary ex-pat drinking establishment. Thank you Master-san.

A few famous Fukui faces: Karl, Beata, Chris, Christina, Mac and Jon enjoy a beer. Or two.

And, of course, there was lots of karaoke. Here you can see the girls wailing through some classic Madonna. (L to r: Laura, Flick, Tania, Caitlin (see you in Packwood Caitlin!) Celeste and Kate.)

Fukui city's most famous African and I enjoy a moment together - see you in South Africa Ruan.

I took this picture just as I was getting into the taxi to leave Bear's - a final, final goodbye. So long Fukui! I'm gonna miss you!

After saying our goodbyes to Fukui, Flick and I headed off for a short holiday in Hiroshima before getting our flight back home from Osaka. On first impressions Hiroshima looked pretty much like every other city I've seen in Japan, although it's obviously set apart by its tragic history - reflected in the many monuments to the victims of the nuclear bombing in the centre of the city.

This is the A-Bomb Dome - despite being situated right under the explosion of the nuclear bomb in 1945, most of the building (which used to be an exhibition hall) miraculously survived. The local government has vowed to preserve the structure forever as a reminder of that terrible day.

This mound contains the ashes of thousands of victims of the nuclear bombing - grim stuff. After wandering round the Peace Park and the accompanying museum - with its graphic photos of burns victims - I was certainly in need of a stiff drink. Looking at Hiroshima today, it's difficult to believe the utter horror of what happened in the past.

On our second day in Hiroshima we took a ferry over to the tiny, picturesque island of Miya-jima, which was definitely the holiday for me. Of course, no trip that me and Flick undertake is complete without a spot of mountain climbing - here's me at the summit of the island's tallest mountain, Mt. Misen.

After spending the best part of an hour sweating our way up the mountain, we wisely decided to take the cable car on the way back down. It was well worth the money for the views alone.

Believe it or not, despite travelling all over Nippon during the past 2 years, I've never seen a monkey in Japan. Until now that is - I finally spotted my first simian at the entrance to the cable car on Miya-jima. Get in! I'm so glad I don't have to leave Japan without a monkey sighting...

You've got to watch out for them monkeys though - one false move and you could be on the receiving end of a vicious monkey shakedown.

Here you can see probably the most famous landmark in Hiroshima, and one of the three "most noted views of Japan" - the torii (gate) of Itsukushima shrine. At high tide the gate looks like it's floating on the water, but at low tide intrepid tourists brave the estuary mud looking for photo opportunities. I find I'm usually disappointed by big tourists sites like this, but I actually thought it was really impressive.

However, my favourite part of Miya-jima had to be this - the world's largest rice paddle. My look of utter astonishment and awe says it all - I mean, it's not every day you see a 7.7 metre long rice paddle.

On our very, very last night in Japan Flick and I decided to take the plunge and sample one of Japan's most peculiar and famous inventions - the love hotel. After a bit of internet research we stumbled across one in Osaka called Hotel Pamplona which featured this absolute gem - the Hello Kitty Room (check the Kitty bedspread). Cute? Disturbing? You decide.

The room even had karaoke - awesome. Not quite sure why there was a microwave in there though - presumably some couples like to bring their own microwavable ready meals into the boudoir.

Possibly the most sinister part of the room was this sex-toy vending machine placed under the regal gaze of Kitty herself. It's like she's judging you with her eyes or something. Brrrr.

And here I am back in the UK! Bizarrely, a Japanese restaurant opened up a couple of months ago in the tiny village where I live, so when Flick came to visit a few days ago we thought it would be a great place for a family outing. It's great that I'll have a little taster of Japan right on my doorstep. It's pretty authentic too - they even covered my tofu in katsuoboshi, just like in Japan. Damn you katsuoboshi.

Finally, I took this photo in Russell Square a few days ago, on my way to visit a friend. Here's looking forward to a bright future in London...

Bring on the Greasy Pudding

So last Saturday Jesse organised a big get together in a club called Gramme down in Tsuruga. Jesse is well known throughout the ken for being a pimpin purveyor of red-hot greasy funk soul pudding, so it promised to be a great night. He didn't disappoint. Along with his good friend "Nate-dog" from Ishikawa, Jesse threw down some of the filthiest, funkiest tunes Fukui has ever heard. Truly an epic night.

It was great to finally go to a club in Fukui that actually felt like a proper club. Granted, it was pretty small (like most of the clubs in Japan), but it had some really nice decor - it reminded me a lot of a bar in Soho. I think it might have been the rows and rows of spirits which made me think that - quite unusual for a club in Japan, at least round these parts anyway: In most places you just get a choice of whisky or vodka and that's about it.

Anyway, an absolutely brilliant night, and an excellent way to say goodbye to the people down south - Jesse, I'm gonna miss you man.

[Sob]

Nate and Jesse lay down some grease on the decks. Dirty.

See, it was like a proper club! Only smaller.

Don't mess with an ex-JETfuel editor.

"Bleuurrrrgh!!!!" John and Anna get drooly.

Sam, Steph, Flick and Angela - this lot were doing some serious dancing, I can tell ya. You should have seen it all go off when "Like a Prayer" by Madonna came on. Man, the screaming.

Tilly and I posing for all we're worth.

Mitch "look at my new beard" Malli hams it up for the camera. Awesome hat.

I swear, Tania could pout for Canada. Good work Gizmo, when can I come and visit you in the land of maple syrup and mounties?

It's Karl Bandcamp!!!

Celeste whips out her "Dr. Evil" impression.

Get a room!!!

The night ended with some top quality karaoke in the coveted "party room" in Cote d'Azur. The room was huge! It even had a stage! Awesome. Aw man, I'm going to miss karaoke...

It's only bloody ending isn't it

Yep, last weekend was the Fukui JET Sayonara Party - can't believe it's come around so quickly. It was a strange affair, in that I didn't actually say goodbye to anyone: I'm going to see most of the people who were there in the next couple of weeks anyway. And besides, I was having too much of a good time to worry about being sad. Yay! Party!   

Dan's monkey suit went down a storm, as you can see from the look on Ariel's face.

The J-Girls just couldn't keep their hands off Dan's monkey tail.

Hudson "Nice Guy" Hamilton went on somewhat of a rampage. And yes, that is a cucumber taped to his head.

My wonderful, wonderful girlfriend posing with Sarah H.

Pete attempts to copy my style. He should know by now that no-one can rock a tie like I can.

It's Kat! Hello Kat!

You don't want to know what Sam was doing with his hand.

Ladies ladies ladies. Sam, Tilly and Laura came out with fashion guns a-blazing.

Outdoor living

I can't believe how quickly the time is passing - it's only seven more weeks until I leave Japan! It's all a bit nerve-wracking, since I haven't even finalised my travel plans yet, thanks to a certain irritatingly unhelpful internet travel agency (which shall remain nameless). Needless to say, Flick and I have been having panic attacks as we watch the prices for summer flights creep up and up, whilst our friendly travel agent "Brenda" (not her real name) continues to give us misleading quotes for incorrect itineraries, and simultaneously ignoring our questions about pricing and routes. I'm convinced that Brenda is actually some sort of evil robot created to thwart our travel plans by churning out erroneous email responses... Dammit Brenda, I swear you will rue the day you messed with a Packwood. Doesn't she know I've got a town named after me?

Anyway, as a consequence of the pressing time, everything I do in Japan now has a big question hanging over it: ie. "Will this be the last time I... [insert name of activity currently engaged in]." Only this morning I was pondering the very real possibility that I was recycling the foam trays from pizza boxes for the very last time. Even the constant weekly grind of sorting out household rubbish has taken on a hint of sorrow now that I know my days in Japan are numbered.

I had another WTBTLTI moment last weekend, when a group of Fukui JETs descended on the Watering Hole in Ono (see the June archives) for a spot of barbecuing and pyromania. The highlight was when the props and scenery for the recent FJET play were ceremoniously burned, as the producer and director looked on. With mixed emotions, I imagine, as they watched months of hard work go up in smoke. Great fire though.

It's so great to be able to drive for an hour and find yourself surrounded by mountains and lakes - I think I'm going to really miss that when I go home. It's funny, I always thought of myself as a city boy... I never thought I'd adapt to living in the countryside, but here I am going camping and climbing mountains every weekend. Actually, that's entirely untrue, I don't camp and climb mountains every weekend at all. In fact, this weekend I'm having a video games night followed by a visit to the local flea market, neither of which involve camping or mountains. However, I can see mountains through my window, just, so I may occasionally look up at them whilst playing Halo 2 on Friday. Which is close enough.

Will this be the last time I play 8 player Halo 2 in Japan?

Check out that conflagration! You know, it's amazing how well stage scenery will burn. It's certainly made me more aware of the constant danger from sudden prop combustion that actors and actresses bravely face on a day-to-day basis.

The party begins. At the front of the picture you can see the legendary Ono local "Long Peace" expertly cooking some mountain vegetables over an open fire. He actually picked them himself from the woods next to the campsite. Now THAT'S outdoor living.

Brandon gets some expert guitar tuition from Hudson and Mac. He's just mastered the "old lady" chord.

Campfire chats. I'm going to miss all this outdoor cosiness - back to the Big Smoke for me.

Dusty, Sarah and Jesse enjoy a moment. And yes, that big plastic bottle used to be full of whisky.

GO TEAM NINJA!!!

OK, so you're probably wondering why I'm dressed up as a ninja. Cast your mind back to last April, and you may remember me writing something about the "Kraazy Reinan Kar Rally" - a madcap (I love that word) event where pretty much all the JETs in Fukui get dressed up in mad costumes and race around southern Fukui doing stupid things for points. Well, it's that time of year again...

If anything, the race was even sillier this time around. The plot was fantastically convoluted, involving characters from a junior high school textbook posing questions and photo challenges (such as taking a photo of a member of the public dressed up in your costume) and all the while we were required to carry round a "new character" in the textbook called "Hanako" - which was actually a bag of flour. "Hanako" had to appear in every photo, and if she arrived intact at the finish line then extra points were awarded.

It started a little badly for "Team Ninja" this year - at the first checkpoint we were thrown out of a local market for "scaring the customers" by walking around in ninja costumes: the owner of the market even came out into the car park to write down the number plate of our car. I'd like to think of this gesture as a compliment to how realistic our costumes were, although I should also like to point out to the owner that most "real" ninjas don't carry plastic swords and shurikens made out of foil and cardboard.

Anyway, that was the only negative experience we had all day - everyone else we met had a good laugh at our expense, as we dashed around like mad hares trying to fulfill our objectives. One of the highlights was clambering around in an adventure playground, hunting for parts of a clue, as little kids were running around us shouting "NINJA, NINJA!!!". Bless their little cotton socks.

You may remember that last rear we roared home in first place, only to discover that, when the points were tallied up, we'd only achieved a disappointing ninth position (it seems that in our haste we'd stupidly missed out some of the answers...). Well, this year we'd learnt our lesson and took a much more relaxed (yet thorough) approach to answering questions. In fact, we were so relaxed that three members of the team stopped to take an onsen halfway through the day... One of the questions required that two team members be immersed in water (holding the flour of course), so we decided to do it with a little dignity and hot water, rather than flinging ourselves opportunistically into the sea like some other teams.

Of course, all of this comfort and relaxation did take it's toll, since we finished in... last place. Whoops. Well, at least we were clean.

Yet then something amazing happened...

WE ONLY BLOODY CAME FIRST!!!

I couldn't quite believe it as I went forward to lift up the trophy... We'd beaten the second place team by just five points (who incidentally finished first in the race). Our thoroughness in answering every question had paid off! GO TEAM NINJA!!!!

Amazing. Big thanks go out to the team - Brandon, Caitlin, Hudson, Sam and Yuki - and huge thanks to everyone on the rally committee for organising it all. Good work guys.

TEAM NINJA. From left to right: Hudson ("Red Shadow Ninja"), Yuki ("Fashion Ninja"), Brandon ("Sauce Katsudon Ninja") Caitlin ("Craft Ninja"), Sam ("Snow Ninja") and Myself ("Gentleman Ninja").

Sam, Flick and Tilly pose in their "Fame" costumes. Nice hair girls.

Tina, Chris, Doug and Colin and their brilliant "Clockwork Orange" costumes. Bonus kudos goes to Chris for his outrageous jockstrap.

The A-Team - recipients of the prize for best costume. Joe ("Face") couldn't make it on the day, so they touchingly made a cardboard cut-out of him and carried it round all day. I loved the inclusion of Kenny (second from left) as the little-known "fifth member" of the A-Team from the third series: Frankie "Dishpan" Santana. Trivia-tastic.

Kelly, Michelle, Keith and Yoshi make up the Ninja Turtles team. True heroes in a half-shell.

The "Universal Soldier" team - they made the heads from paper cups stuck together. I'm still not sure exactly what this was all about though - each one's supposed to be a different planet, right? Help me out guys!

A hairy moment for the A-Team... Each team had a bag of flour they had to look after for the whole day, and one of the challenges was to take a photo of the flour in mid-air - look closely and you can see it in the middle of the photo. (I love the A-Team van by the way - good work guys.)

Here's me in my ninja costume - look, I had proper ninja shoes and everything. Ninjas rock.

Here's Caitlin proudly holding our hard-won trophy, along with some candy floss ("cotton candy" for our American cousins) that was part of our prize. The carved inscription reads: "Kraazy Reinan Kar Rally, Grand Mother F#?!ing Champions". Get in.

The after party was truly a sight to behold, as dozens of party-hungry ALTs "ripped up" the dancefloor. My favourite moment had to be when a small band of Morrissey-obesessed individuals began "wigging-out" to This Charming Man by The Smiths. Obviously, I was among them.

Jesse and Pete exchange a moment of rocking goodness.